The light, The dark and the wholly infuriating.

I love you…but i love you…but…i love you.

You, you get me…like you actually take your time to try and understand all this weirdness! you call me your baby! “you’ll always be my baby till the day the man you marry tells me to stop loving you” you said that to me once…i never forgot. i don’t think i’ll ever forget anything you ever said, i may end up erasing all of this anyway so i might as well get it all out. you’re funny and sweet and interesting and you always know how to react to everything! its amazing!  You’ve always been there for me, you’re always there for me every time, all the time. Even when you didn’t understand what i was talking about or why i was in tears for no reason. For a very long time, you were my world. you were everything i looked forward to! i’m not pretty…i was even worse then, i said stupid stuff, i tried way too hard to fit in and i ended up alone but you were right there for me every step of the way even when i messed up! which seems to be sort of a habit of mine (sorry). I love you…thats 100% true.


You, you’re creepy. you creep me out majorly!!!! but you have one of the most beautiful minds i’ve ever come across. if i had a chance to visit that little world of yours, i’d never leave. With you, i don’t have to explain myself cause you already get it, you’re already like me. You’re insane! and very cranky! but its cute. You’ve seen, you know the darkest parts of me…shit no one else has ever even thought i was capable of doing and you got it and accepted it…laughed about it even! and i just thought ‘this is one strange motherfucker right here’. Sometimes i think you could turn out to be a serial killer if you tried but you’d be sloppy, get attached and you’ll need me to keep you in check…not let you get distracted. i’ll be the brain and you’ll be…everything else. we make an effective team, you and i. I love you….thats 100% true.


You, you’re smart. you make me challenge myself, rethink my decisions. You make me study and analyze everything around me, look for loopholes, illusions and side tracks. You’re sensitive and a little clueless that its almost hilarious. you support me and i support you, i understand you so well that it astonishes even me because…we’re honestly not that similar. i’m even surprised i can stand you!!! you piss me off! you make me mad! you make me want to bury you alive or put you in a giant furnace and make a video of it. you make me laugh and giggle..and i don’t giggle. I love you..thats 100% true.


Now you’re probably thinking, where’s the sense in all this shit? well…the topic of my blog is ‘my life, my story’ and this is my story. This is my life, these are 3 different people. i can’t explain my attachment to them, any of them! so maybe you can help me figure it out. i can’t seem to pick either! its not that i want them around (don’t get me wrong, i do want them around) i just kind of NEED them more. The light, The dark and the wholly infuriating….but i love them, all three. i don’t know how but i just do, i know i cant keep them all for much longer. i also have this weird possessive thing so anyone i notice around them that sort of threatens my attachment to either of them….my brain just goes haywire like ‘MINE MINE MINE MINE’ i call it the smeagol syndrome and i know its selfish but its not like i physically do anything about it…

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